Beyond the surface men divulge in an undercover writing kinda style but its mostly all about women. 💁 Here are the LIST OF THINGS IN LITERATURE, MUSIC AND ARTS THAT ARE METAPHORS FOR WOMEN
Anything maritime me, Really
Pretty much all things ocean-related are metaphors for women. Scavenging seagulls are women. Hidden rocks that ships wreck themselves on are women. Icebergs are women. Sea monsters can be women, but only in specific circumstances. For example, if a sea monster has long tentacles that it uses to clasp ships to its slimy bosom, then it’s definitely a metaphor for women. But if a sea monster resembles a triassic era dinosaur or some kind of shark, it’s probably about men’s potent sexuality or some bullshit.
Speaking of sharks, sharks pretty much always represent men, unless it’s a story about a shark eating its young. Then the shark represents Mommy Issues.
4. The Moon
You might think the moon makes men think of women because of menstruation cycles or whatever, but you’d be wrong. Men use the moon as a metaphor for women because it changes shape and is “inconstant” and always wants the last word in an argument, am I right?
Look, I don’t know who decided that cats are feminine and dogs are masculine, but someone did and that idea has stuck and now we all just have to live with it. Cats are moody and unaffectionate and enjoy hunting small prey, which franklydescribes more men that I know than it does women, but whatever. Cats are metaphors for ladies.
Birds that are metaphors for women:
– humming birds
– anything sleek or pretty or shrill
– owls (but only if the author is describing the owls as spooky or weird)
Birds that are metaphors for men:
– birds of prey
– albatrosses, probably
– owls (but only if the author is describing their intelligence or hunting prowess)
I mean, they used to only ever named hurricanes after women. Because, again, women only exist to destroy everything you love.
8. Mines (Especially Diamond Mines)
Mines are dark and dangerous and liable to fill up with deadly gases at any moment – just like women. The further you go, the more likely they are to suffocate you – just like women. They take the best years of your life and leave you broken and penniless – just like women. Need I say more?
Any time a dude is waxing lyrical about soil or earth, you’d better believe he’s actually talking about a woman. Especially if he describes the soil as either “fertile” or “barren.” “Tilling” and “ploughing” are both euphemisms for sex, obviously. A “bad harvest” is when a woman friendzones or otherwise rejects a man. You’re welcome!
10. Sports Trophies
I don’t know, these probably represent women somehow.
11. Cars and Trucks
Vehicles are tricky, becausesometimes they are stand-ins for a man’s sense of masculinity. But if a guy has a lot of gushy feelings about his pickup, he’s probably actually talking about a woman.
Flowering plants are women. Plants that happen to be deadly in some way are women. Anything with tendrils is a woman. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is.
Fruit is feminine. Any kind of baked good is feminine. Seafood is feminine. Chocolate is feminine.
By Anne Thériault for The Belle Jar
What do you think?