Rejection Sucks!Here is how.

Her eyes, 
like an ocean of innocence,
hypnotized me.

Her face,
with an unparalleled beauty,
mesmerized me.”

“Her voice was sweeter than honey, and edged a nightingale.

She inspired me to live my life.

She taught me to think
about love, life, and everything
in between

Her actions,
her emotions,
her flick of hair.

She always lived in my heart

But soon, I came to reality,
to senses.

For I was a nobody, and she – the princess of beauty,
who, I knew was the best for me,
but was worthy of someone better than me.

So I took a step back,
my heart aching.
Another step, and
my heart pounded heavily.

I turned away,
killed my heart, and
lived heartlessly.

Poem title: Quattuor. By Bruised Melodies

This poem talks about A man’s admiration for someone he couldn’t have and therefore lost himself in the process.

From the start he is full of praises and adoration for his love interest. Emphasising on the positive outlook he used to have towards life beacause of his love for her.

Upon realising she deserves better from life, love, and relationship, he started to change into a bitter, cold and cruel person life the total opposite of his previous life of kindness.

What do you think of this simple and meaningful poem.

How do some people handle rejection? Why do people seek for that which they can’t have and still end up disappointed when the reality smacks them on the cheek?

What keeps them going after this reality or who do they eventually become.

Do they become good or bad? Do they appreciate the lesson or do they regret what they did?

Share your opinion in the comments below.

Thanks and I hope you enjoyed the poem.

Being a woman is enough

People captured in mid air, while jumping on trampoline in big studio

You are enough for your self

If you’re beautiful , well that’s one of your physical strength. That’s enough to boost your self worth. If you feel ugly, then again you must have something unique inside of you. That’s also your strength. Your inner strength. That too is enough_ enough to boost your self worth.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.    ________Oscar Wilde   and   vise   versaThe same aplies to human.

For the men.

When you see her naked on the street

Give her a cloth to wear

Don’t call her beautiful and go behind her back calling her prostitute.(No gentleman likes a woman who undervalues herself. If you happen to be that gentleman. Don’t go actng like you are in support of a woman who undervalues herself and choose not to correct her cuz you don’t wanna make her feel bad or to satisfy your own pleasure)

When her marrying you turns her from a slim little girl to a full grown woman.

Follow her outside to do some brisk walk

Wake her up in the morning to show her that her yoga pant is ready.

Don’t stay on your own and not give a damn!

Don’t call her fat

Don’t call her lazy

When she is so busy doing chores and the mum stuff and forget what day it is, dont call her outdated

Give her a break😎

Give her some space!

or stay, only if you know you want to sweet talk her not murder mother talk her.

And when you see a younger girl

A prettier one , do not humiliate her. Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see.

Besides, there is something worse than a humiliating man and that’s a nasty woman!

She is you’rs, you are her’s and that in itself is work enough to work on!

Happy international womens day.

#choosetochallenge

Poems of a Jamaican Girl.

https://pin.it/8N6kRgA

I can leave you

I swear

With Scalpel to my soul

The difference

between us and you

Leaves me as a whole

So Mask to face

And Fragrant Sevo

I’ll go under

Four , three, two…

Wether I wake

Or kiss turns blue

I’ll recover

Free from you

By Praiziz

How did we get Here?

Even homogeneous societies still delve
into self manageable or micro-identities.

@pretty.muslm.couples

. God created the earth.

2. “Let’s make man…” and so forth.

3. People have one language and in agreement and try to build a tower.

4. God confuses their language and scatters them around the world,including West Africa.

Cultural diffusion.

Whoever is killed under the banner of blind following, which calls to tribalism or supports tribalism, then he has died upon ignorance.” The prophet muhammad.S.A.W.

What is peculiar to ethnicity or tribalism is that “it involves demands by one group on other competing group(s)” (Nnoli; 2008). Chinua Achebe in his view describes ethnicity “as discrimination against a citizen because of his/her place of birth” (Achebe; 1997).

Islam doesn’t preach tribalism. Therefore, anyone who practices it is following his own personal goal.

We are born into ethnic and tribal communities that endow upon us identities, histories, legacies, pains, joys, struggles and potentials and mostly pride.

The knowledge that before you there were others who contributed and added value a people and period in time, bettering the lot and leaving historical tales and stories challenging and demanding that you know about them and add a measure equal or more than what was.

It would be a bore to share the same historical perspective with everyone you meet with in a bus or at work…where’s the fun in that.

Even homogeneous societies still breakdown into self manageable or micro-identities

Forget diversity think inclusion

Neither here, nor there

There is someone out there wishing

desperately to get the freaking heck

out of the thing called Marriage















There is someone else who deeply


thinks it gets better and forcely

deciding to give it one last chance

        Meanwhile some people are so 
excited because they are about to get
down the marriage lane




         And some other is praying relentlessly to God not to give up on the ‘hoping to find a Soul Mate’


life so complicated. ?

Why Emotional Intelligence is more important than Mere Understanding in Marriage

What Marriage Has Taught Me So Far:

INTRODUCTION

Let’s start with some random quite interesting quote (so to speak)

Love needs time to be found and when found needs Intelligence to be applied to solve problem

The ability to manage our emotions and feeling is very crucial, nevertheless, so is our ability to understand and interpret the emotions of others.

Could you picture a world where you cannot understand when a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a co-worker is depressed, sad or angry?
Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence

and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ.

While IQ proves your smartness and determines 15% of your success, emotional intelligence determines 85% of your success.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence.

They proposed a model which identified four different factors of emotional intelligence namely;

emotional perception,

emotional reasoning,

emotional understanding,

emotional management.

All the factors above enhance the smooth sailing of Marriage. This is to point out that marriage and emotional intelligence are like inseparable twin.
Since “Emotions Elites defined as a positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity that produce different physiological, behavioral and cognitive behavior”, the more couples are able to master these four factors mentioned above, the less room they create for chaotic clashes.

Allah has made it clear to the believing men that women are more emotionally vulnerable, sensitive, responsive, and tender.

Women are emotional creatures, one minute she could be all happy and sweet and the next, she looks pale and unhappy. So, it is up to a husband to be able to put up with such moodswings and try tackle the problem.

Part of the reasons for failed marriages today inclu

  • Man’s will to show superiority over women.
  • Egoistic behavior.
  • Disobedience to the commandment of Allah.
  • Negligence
  • Ingratitude
  • Arrogance.
  • Impatience
  • Lack of self control

These among many others clogs one’s emotional intelligence. Hence, this is a show of arrogance to Allah. And Allah said in Qur’an 85 v 60:

And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell – in humiliation

A man returns home from work and suddenly observes the floor is unusually becoming too sticky due to oil stains. He gets furious and tries to correct his wife but puts it in a harsh manner. Consequently, he gets a negative response or reaction from her. This is not because she intentionally intends to get picky or offended, but because she is more emotional. Thus, it is now left for the man to reconsider and apologize for his wrong choice of word or mannerism, then look for a more subtle word or expression to pass his message across. Doing this show’s his emotional intelligence – his emotional reasoning on the one hand, which is what made him prioritize what to pay attention and react to amidst other observation he made upon his return; his emotional management on the other hand, proving his ability to feel an emotion (irritated and furious) without having to act upon it.

Allah has also commanded the believing women to respect their husband and control their tongue.

In any case , women should be soft, linient understanding and know how to approach or talk to their husbands, when she called him 5 times to ask him why he forgot to get steaks from the grocery and he did pick up, to why he didn’t complement her since 3 days and not remembering their Saturday morning pre yoga ritual, everyone has emotions and the husband isn’t an exception. So wives should be try to be considerate as this gradually sums up to create a lasting impression about them and emotional intelligence.

Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is an emotional battle 24/7. So,the way you handle your emotions decides the happiness quotient ( a measure of the amount of happiness one has achieved in life) and in your married life.

In terms of tolerance and perseverance, these are some of the

QUALITIES AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PERSON MUST POSSES:

  • Ability to understand the emotions of ur spouse from his/her view.
  • Capacity to make your spouse understand your emotions from your viewpoint.
  • Your skills to channel your emotions in the right way to make your spouse happy and content in your relationship
  • Your gift to realize that your spouse is an individual. So, you accept him/her for what he/she is.

For an emotionally unintelligent person:

1. You never understand the emotional need of your spouse which makes you unhappy and miserable

2.Your inability to convey your emotional needs to your spouse which makes you angry and get frustrated and dippressed.

Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not supposed to beat his wife, doing so is a sign of his physical strength but emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.

Rasullulah (SAW) is a perfect example for the Muslims to follow as he is the best in character and manner.

It was narrated that Aisah (R.A) said that :

The messenger of Allah never beat his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything” Sunnan Ibn Maja

HOW TO ENHANCE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

  1. Don’t interrupt or change the subject
  2. Don’t judge or edit your feelings or your spous’s too quickly
  3. See if you can find connection between your feelings and see if other times you must have felt the same way.
  4. Connect your feelings with your thoughts
  5. Listen to your body and your spouses body language
  6. If your don’t know how you are feeling ask someone else
  7. Tune into your unconscious feelings
  8. Ask yourself, How do I feel today?
  9. Write your thoughts and feelings down
  10. Know when enough is enough.

Marriage is a place of work where you are given a long term appointment. It is left to you keep your job or loose it. To develop emotional intelligence we need to practice enlarging our inner passion at every moment. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our world or even how we feel within ourselves at every moment. Infact , the best we accomplish something is when we least feel like trying because the hopeless part of our lives need the light.

Finally, the way you approach yourselves, when you need money, when you are tired, when you need his attention, when you want to complain about something he did wrong or the way you generally respond to his flaws gradually sums up to creating a lasting impression about you and says a lot about your emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not idealy supposed to beat his wife. Doing so exemplifies his physical strength but tantamount to his emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This is when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
A pious wife is keeper not breaker. A pious husband builds the home not collapse it. As a woman, the way you treat your husband reflects in his attitude in public. From his boost of self esteem to his successful day at work. As a man, the way you handle your wife also reflects in her face and her general comportment in public. All these are due to how peaceful your inward coexistence has been as a couple. Ability to practicalize the tenets of the religion of Islam (peace) to over power impending chaos, ability to agree to disagree, ability to master positively, your emotional intelligence help save your marriage.

In Shaa Allah

Relationship

” I am cute
         I’m slim

          I hate my life

      There is this girl in my class and I really like her but she had never, for once looked at me. I thought it was because I wasn’t fat enough, she seems to like fat guyz. So sometime last month I started going to the gym for fattening exercises. I have added, but just five pounds but she still isn’t interested.

Whats wrong with me. And how can make her fall in love with me?  So you have any suggestion? I don’t want to be too fat. 

See,

 I am actually very hardworking and I don’t want to look randy. But this girl is very important. Should I go ahead? She makes me happy even though she doesn’t know it. I am so doomed right now, I just want to die.

But do you think she will love me, or even have my attention If I add more weight?”

   We see problems like this every day, maybe less , similar, or worse. We need Answers please.
   What I will suggest to you in a situation like this is you be yourself.

Forget about your looks. Especially when it is natural.

Get her attention in other ways.

Many men today fall into these because they have not discovered what they are truly good at when it comes to gaining the attention of that “right” woman.

Some just go with a rush and get red lights. Justify your actions by being the man you truly want to be to the one you truly love. Be calm to learn what else  interests her apart from the basic ones you can’t fulfill.

You must not be fat for her to like you. In fact, she might even be worse of with you if  In any way along the line she realise you loosed your true nature because of her.  Except it you would want to do that for the main time. By the way t doing that and changing later wouldn’t speak well of you or make it any better because you will gradually loose her trust in you. She might not tell you that to your face of course, but her definition of your personality would be of that “guy who does to please girls” or ” confused dude”.

It is not like it isn’t good to please or impress sometimes but not something in this kind of situation. It is obvious the fattening exercises truly is not working for you or your health and you also don’t like the idea.

  1. So set it straight and get your priorities right. Look for other ways to get her.  Maybe interesting books she likes.
  2. Who she likes to cruiz with, shares secrets with and her rapour with family.
  3. And kind of clothes, perfumes she likes.
  4. Kind of Movies, foodies, drinks and all that
  5. Her mood and how it swings.

Ladies would rather go for me who are confident in everything they are. 

Yes, every relationship has a standard. People are different. You can’t definitely compete with the fat guyz. They already have their pretty good roles to play.  Maybe that’s why she seems to like them.

Some ladies just date guyz for fun. Not really with a purpose.  So be sure which one she is and if she is ready to be as serious as you seem to be.

Ladies care more about the emotional availability of a man rather than just his presence.

Be on the same page with her. 

Be there when you are needetoo

Some ladies actually consider the looks these days. If not most. But for sure you will get her attention if you focus more on the clicks. I mean, on the unique features you love about yourself. Love your self be proud of yourself and let it reflect in you when you eventually win her heart. Learn how to do do the talk.

It is not a mission Impossible
   Note: this post is subject to update

          Share your views. What yould you advice.?

          Relationship

          HOW EASILY CAN A BROKEN HEART BE MENDED? SUPER EASY!

          image

            For some reason. I’m reluctant to publish this blog post. It’s not a topic I’m an expert on, and academics are generally cautious about writing on something they haven’t researched, due to the fear of being shredded by someone with a PhD  in sociology of relationships and 20 years’ experience in the field of marriage  or relationship counselling and love psychology.

          I’m also worried about making things worse, about saying the wrong thing and invoking the collective ire of the Internet #trolls.   Or people relating all my blog post and thinking  it’s happening  to me.  This is also the kind of topic where it’s difficult not to take sides or to admit that you don’t have all the answers, because it’s so polarizing and opinionated.
          I have posted somethings about http://ego as a matchette to a relationship
          http://ego as a man I hope they were helpful.  But the truth  is

          When friends  tell me how the bitter taste of their relationship  make them puke over the cracks of life, I feel there’s  something there’s  to be done.
            Here’s what I have to say :
          Don’t  believe  me just read:D

          image

          Remember that saying?
          the surest way of mending  your heart is quickly going  into a new relationship”.

          Oh dear, if you work with that I hope you come out safe because  it doesn’t  make sense  for someone  to rush into a new relationship  with a wounded heart.

          1 You  will not just transfer the agression  of the past relationship to the present
          2  You will unconsciously/unconsciously become  so hiper sensitive and defensive over little things
             Among  others, this will infect  your present relationship with early signs of potential  breakup threats. That sure doesn’t smell good!
          In every relationship, two people share a mental and physical
          relationship with each other. The love which was once shared between the two is, somehow, lost now and which definitely would take some time to recover. But before that, you’ll have to
          be prepared mentally.
          Why not solve it other ways.
          Like

          LET OUT THOSE TEARS
          Does crying makes you less of a man?
          Man! Wake up. Crying for things that actually meant a lot to
          you don’t make you any less of a man

               That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. So small a tear, yet so heavy a relief  And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.
                                                 

          Dont be shamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us”            Chase Brooks

          BE IN CHARGE
          You have cried enough. Now. Wipe those tears off and Control your heart. Surround yourself with things that makes you happy. Happiness is immateral if it comes from within. An immaterial  thing is unique and expensive,  that is what makes you strong_ Creating  your happiness!
          Don’t  buy cheap happiness by soley depending  on him or her to bring it to you. Get it yourself.
           
                 

          image

          Don’t cry over the things which aren’t in your control

          Don’t cry over the people who doesn’t love you back
          Don’t cry over people who doesn’t value you
          Don’t cry over the feelings which lead you nowhere
          Don’t cry over your past, it’s gone. Gone far .”                 
                                                  Summit official

          LEARN NOT TO ACCEPT  OPPRESSION
          If you keep finding  yourself  in the thrust  of a spouse  who repeatedly  keeps doing  thing to hurt you. The thing to is run and don’t  give him/her such opportunity . Recognise the difference  between  being  in love and being senseless. The blinding shades of the love you both share is enough  don’t  let oppression  add up dark shades.  You will end up thanking  God such a person  us out of your life.

          Pls share your view.
          Will bring you more soon
          Thanks. 🙂