If you’re beautiful , well that’s one of your physical strength. That’s enough to boost your self worth. If you feel ugly, then again you must have something unique inside of you. That’s also your strength. Your inner strength. That too is enough_ enough to boost your self worth.
No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly. ________Oscar Wilde and vise versaThe same aplies to human.
For the men.
When you see her naked on the street
Give her a cloth to wear
Don’t call her beautiful and go behind her back calling her prostitute.(No gentleman likes a woman who undervalues herself. If you happen to be that gentleman. Don’t go actng like you are in support of a woman who undervalues herself and choose not to correct her cuz you don’t wanna make her feel bad or to satisfy your own pleasure)
When her marrying you turns her from a slim little girl to a full grown woman.
Follow her outside to do some brisk walk
Wake her up in the morning to show her that her yoga pant is ready.
Don’t stay on your own and not give a damn!
Don’t call her fat
Don’t call her lazy
When she is so busy doing chores and the mum stuff and forget what day it is, dont call her outdated
Give her a break😎
Give her some space!
or stay, only if you know you want to sweet talk her not murder mother talk her.
And when you see a younger girl
A prettier one , do not humiliate her. Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see.
Besides, there is something worse than a humiliating man and that’s a nasty woman!
She is you’rs, you are her’s and that in itself is work enough to work on!
Even homogeneous societies still delve into self manageable or micro-identities.
. God created the earth.
2. “Let’s make man…” and so forth.
3. People have one language and in agreement and try to build a tower.
4. God confuses their language and scatters them around the world,including West Africa.
“Whoever is killed under the banner of blind following, which calls to tribalism or supports tribalism, then he has died upon ignorance.” The prophet muhammad.S.A.W.
What is peculiar to ethnicity or tribalism is that “it involves demands by one group on other competing group(s)” (Nnoli; 2008). Chinua Achebe in his view describes ethnicity “as discrimination against a citizen because of his/her place of birth” (Achebe; 1997).
Islam doesn’t preach tribalism. Therefore, anyone who practices it is following his own personal goal.
We are born into ethnic and tribal communities that endow upon us identities, histories, legacies, pains, joys, struggles and potentials and mostly pride.
The knowledge that before you there were others who contributed and added value a people and period in time, bettering the lot and leaving historical tales and stories challenging and demanding that you know about them and add a measure equal or more than what was.
It would be a bore to share the same historical perspective with everyone you meet with in a bus or at work…where’s the fun in that.
Even homogeneous societies still breakdown into self manageable or micro-identities
Let’s start with some random quite interesting quote (so to speak)
Love needs time to be found and when found needs Intelligence to be applied to solve problem
The ability to manage our emotions and feeling is very crucial, nevertheless, so is our ability to understand and interpret the emotions of others.
Could you picture a world where you cannot understand when a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a co-worker is depressed, sad or angry?
Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence
and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ.
While IQ proves your smartness and determines 15% of your success, emotional intelligence determines 85% of your success.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence.
They proposed a model which identified four different factors of emotional intelligence namely;
All the factors above enhance the smooth sailing of Marriage. This is to point out that marriage and emotional intelligence are like inseparable twin.
Since “Emotions Elites defined as a positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity that produce different physiological, behavioral and cognitive behavior”, the more couples are able to master these four factors mentioned above, the less room they create for chaotic clashes.
Allah has made it clear to the believing men that women are more emotionally vulnerable, sensitive, responsive, and tender.
Women are emotional creatures, one minute she could be all happy and sweet and the next, she looks pale and unhappy. So, it is up to a husband to be able to put up with such moodswings and try tackle the problem.
Part of the reasons for failed marriages today inclu
Man’s will to show superiority over women.
Disobedience to the commandment of Allah.
Lack of self control
These among many others clogs one’s emotional intelligence. Hence, this is a show of arrogance to Allah. And Allah said in Qur’an 85 v 60:
“And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell – in humiliation“
A man returns home from work and suddenly observes the floor is unusually becoming too sticky due to oil stains. He gets furious and tries to correct his wife but puts it in a harsh manner. Consequently, he gets a negative response or reaction from her. This is not because she intentionally intends to get picky or offended, but because she is more emotional. Thus, it is now left for the man to reconsider and apologize for his wrong choice of word or mannerism, then look for a more subtle word or expression to pass his message across. Doing this show’s his emotional intelligence – his emotional reasoning on the one hand, which is what made him prioritize what to pay attention and react to amidst other observation he made upon his return; his emotional management on the other hand, proving his ability to feel an emotion (irritated and furious) without having to act upon it.
Allah has also commanded the believing women to respect their husband and control their tongue.
In any case , women should be soft, linient understanding and know how to approach or talk to their husbands, when she called him 5 times to ask him why he forgot to get steaks from the grocery and he did pick up, to why he didn’t complement her since 3 days and not remembering their Saturday morning pre yoga ritual, everyone has emotions and the husband isn’t an exception. So wives should be try to be considerate as this gradually sums up to create a lasting impression about them and emotional intelligence.
Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is an emotional battle 24/7. So,the way you handle your emotions decides the happiness quotient ( a measure of the amount of happiness one has achieved in life) and in your married life.
In terms of tolerance and perseverance, these are some of the
QUALITIES AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PERSON MUST POSSES:
Ability to understand the emotions of ur spouse from his/her view.
Capacity to make your spouse understand your emotions from your viewpoint.
Your skills to channel your emotions in the right way to make your spouse happy and content in your relationship
Your gift to realize that your spouse is an individual. So, you accept him/her for what he/she is.
For an emotionally unintelligent person:
1. You never understand the emotional need of your spouse which makes you unhappy and miserable
2.Your inability to convey your emotional needs to your spouse which makes you angry and get frustrated and dippressed.
Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not supposed to beat his wife, doing so is a sign of his physical strength but emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
Rasullulah (SAW) is a perfect example for the Muslims to follow as he is the best in character and manner.
It was narrated that Aisah (R.A) said that :
“The messenger of Allah never beat his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything” Sunnan Ibn Maja
HOW TO ENHANCE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:
Don’t interrupt or change the subject
Don’t judge or edit your feelings or your spous’s too quickly
See if you can find connection between your feelings and see if other times you must have felt the same way.
Connect your feelings with your thoughts
Listen to your body and your spouses body language
If your don’t know how you are feeling ask someone else
Tune into your unconscious feelings
Ask yourself, How do I feel today?
Write your thoughts and feelings down
Know when enough is enough.
Marriage is a place of work where you are given a long term appointment. It is left to you keep your job or loose it. To develop emotional intelligence we need to practice enlarging our inner passion at every moment. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our world or even how we feel within ourselves at every moment. Infact , the best we accomplish something is when we least feel like trying because the hopeless part of our lives need the light.
Finally, the way you approach yourselves, when you need money, when you are tired, when you need his attention, when you want to complain about something he did wrong or the way you generally respond to his flaws gradually sums up to creating a lasting impression about you and says a lot about your emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not idealy supposed to beat his wife. Doing so exemplifies his physical strength but tantamount to his emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This is when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
A pious wife is keeper not breaker. A pious husband builds the home not collapse it. As a woman, the way you treat your husband reflects in his attitude in public. From his boost of self esteem to his successful day at work. As a man, the way you handle your wife also reflects in her face and her general comportment in public. All these are due to how peaceful your inward coexistence has been as a couple. Ability to practicalize the tenets of the religion of Islam (peace) to over power impending chaos, ability to agree to disagree, ability to master positively, your emotional intelligence help save your marriage.
Say, “I am only a man like you, to whom has been revealed that your god is one God. So whoever would hope for the meeting with his Lord – let him do righteous work and not associate in the worship of his Lord anyone.”
There is this girl in my class and I really like her but she had never, for once looked at me. I thought it was because I wasn’t fat enough, she seems to like fat guyz. So sometime last month I started going to the gym for fattening exercises. I have added, but just five pounds but she still isn’t interested.
Whats wrong with me. And how can make her fall in love with me? So you have any suggestion? I don’t want to be too fat.
I am actually very hardworking and I don’t want to look randy. But this girl is very important. Should I go ahead? She makes me happy even though she doesn’t know it. I am so doomed right now, I just want to die.
But do you think she will love me, or even have my attention If I add more weight?”
We see problems like this every day, maybe less , similar, or worse. We need Answers please. What I will suggest to you in a situation like this is you be yourself.
Forget about your looks. Especially when it is natural.
Get her attention in other ways.
Many men today fall into these because they have not discovered what they are truly good at when it comes to gaining the attention of that “right” woman.
Some just go with a rush and get red lights. Justify your actions by being the man you truly want to be to the one you truly love. Be calm to learn what else interests her apart from the basic ones you can’t fulfill.
You must not be fat for her to like you. In fact, she might even be worse of with you if In any way along the line she realise you loosed your true nature because of her. Except it you would want to do that for the main time. By the way t doing that and changing later wouldn’t speak well of you or make it any better because you will gradually loose her trust in you. She might not tell you that to your face of course, but her definition of your personality would be of that “guy who does to please girls” or ” confused dude”.
It is not like it isn’t good to please or impress sometimes but not something in this kind of situation. It is obvious the fattening exercises truly is not working for you or your health and you also don’t like the idea.
So set it straight and get your priorities right. Look for other ways to get her. Maybe interesting books she likes.
Who she likes to cruiz with, shares secrets with and her rapour with family.
And kind of clothes, perfumes she likes.
Kind of Movies, foodies, drinks and all that
Her mood and how it swings.
Ladies would rather go for me who are confident in everything they are.
Yes, every relationship has a standard. People are different. You can’t definitely compete with the fat guyz. They already have their pretty good roles to play. Maybe that’s why she seems to like them.
Some ladies just date guyz for fun. Not really with a purpose. So be sure which one she is and if she is ready to be as serious as you seem to be.
Ladies care more about the emotional availability of a man rather than just his presence.
Be on the same page with her.
Be there when you are needetoo
Some ladies actually consider the looks these days. If not most. But for sure you will get her attention if you focus more on the clicks. I mean, on the unique features you love about yourself. Love your self be proud of yourself and let it reflect in you when you eventually win her heart. Learn how to do do the talk.
It is not a mission Impossible
Note: this post is subject to update