“Whoever is killed under the banner of blind following, which calls to tribalism or supports tribalism, then he has died upon ignorance.”
Sentiments have always been part of The background and back fall of this country. When an outsider wants to penetrate into the peace of this country it is always through tribalism and enthnic / territorial sentiments.
“He is not one of us who calls to tribalism. He is not one of us who fights for the sake of tribalism. He is not one of us who dies following the way of tribalism.” (
Protesters are protesting through non-protest means. How much result is expected from looting, and killing.
Again who are among the youth is ready to listen to “it’s a fake protest Saga” when we have mostly uneducated and unemployed in the midst. The Agitatation was obviously pulled upon the background of our leadership nonchalance and mombomombo attitude towards Youth representation and being people’s party. That’s to the government but to the youth can tribalism be out of the people’s problem. It has always been a problem from Adam and i am.afraid it is, still.
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I ACTUALLY SHED TEARS. Yes I just did. Read to the end please🙏!
When my wife and kids told me that they would love to go to my brother’s house to spend the weekend and kill boredom, I did not hesitate to give it the nod because I also needed some quiet time alone in the house. I was working on a proposal that was to be submitted on Monday morning via email. The insistence by the company to send it via email was because of the restriction in the movement of people over the COVID 19 issue. My wife was a law enforcement agent and would not have any challenge navigating through the hundreds of checkpoints on the roads. “Make sure you guys return on Monday,” I said as my wife led the kids out of the house. “I don’t want to hear stories.” She chuckled. “There will be no stories. Please follow us to the junction so you can help me collect my clothes from the laundry man. He called to tell me that he would be waiting.” I would not have left the house that morning if she hadn’t said that. Outside the gate where Mubarak had a kiosk, I saw three young men smoking cigarettes and engrossed in a hearty conversation. “Ina kwana,” Mubarak greeted us cordially. “This one that everyone is dressed ceremonially, I don’t think this is a short journey.” My wife nodded and smiled at him. “We will be back on Monday evening. Please put eyes on the house for us.” He said he would. My wife hopped onto the driver’s seat and I sat beside her on the passenger’s side. My three kids giggled at one another as they occupied the back seat. Since her own car had had some mechanical fault and was taken away by the mechanic prior to the Corona virus pandemic, we had both been managing my own car. Carefully, she hurled the Toyota Corolla past Mubarak’s kiosk and honked. Mubarak had been a very good neighbour. He would keep an eye on the compound whenever we were not around. In return, the family had also treated him like a brother. The laundry man was not in the shop when we got there. My wife was furious because her uniforms were the clothes she had given him to wash. I decided to go and check on Tony at home. He was a very good friend whom I had learned a lot from. His own family had travelled as soon as the virus matter began and he had been all alone. He was glad to see me. We ate the food he prepared and watched a movie together. That took a long time. By the time I returned home in the evening, Mubarak had closed because it was about to rain. The sky was thick with a storm. I opened the main door and closed it carefully. That door needed repairs but I hadn’t bothered to fix it. If you shut it from the inside without sticking a paper in it, it would be difficult to open from the inside. Someone would have to open it from the outside or else you would remain trap inside. Several times, my wife had reminded me about it but I didn’t just care because the house was usually never empty. Because I was alone, I was careful to put a piece of paper in it before closing it. And because I had no plans of going to bed immediately, I didn’t bother to lock it with a key. Never in my wildest imagination did I think that a burglar would break into the house that night. I was watching the news on Aljazera when the lights went off. Soon, the rains began to hit the roof like pebbles thrown in hundreds from the sky. The wind too blew heavily like millions of giant birds flapping their wings. I went into the bedroom and sleep found me there in no time. It was the shrill cry of a baby that woke me up later. The rain had stopped. Darkness still enveloped the sky. It was past one o’ clock in the morning. I began to wonder what was wrong with the child that was crying. Her voice tore miserably into the silence of the dark and made me feel very uncomfortable. What could be wrong with the child? I thought as I crept out of the bed towards the window. The cry was coming from the house adjacent mine. It was a small building without a fence. In front of it was a rickety Golf car painted in taxi colours. Since I bought the house over a year and a half before, I hadn’t bothered to know who my neighbours were. I was still wondering why the baby was crying and disturbing the entire neighbourhood when I began to hear the sound of the front door opening. I wanted to scream but intuitively decided against that. The cry of the child continued to waft into my ears and I suddenly began to tremble. I hadn’t seen a thief in real life before. I had heard and read about how they attack people and maim or killed them just to get what they wanted. What if this thief had a weapon? I thought miserably as I quietly docked behind my bedroom door. When the intruder began to tiptoe into the kitchen, I put my eye through the tiny opening between the door and its frame. I heaved a sigh when I saw that he was not armed. His silhouette figure moved in the dark like a walking tortoise. The light from his small phone led him into the kitchen. I wanted to scream now but something held me still; perhaps it was the fear of the unknown. I was paranoid now like never before. What if he had a pistol in his pocket? What if he had a dagger he’d kept by the door? I was still wondering of what to do next when the burglar came out of the kitchen carrying a black polythene bag. The cry of the child from the house adjacent mine continued to waft into my ears. I felt creepy. Even though the weather was cold, I felt sweat drop from my forehead in rivulets. My palms too were damp with sweat. I hadn’t sweated like that before. This could happen to anybody who was alone with a thief in his house; a thief who could have been in possession of lethal arms. Suddenly, I heard him begin to hit the door and it struck me that he had just jammed the door without using the piece of paper. Certainly, he was trapped. I could hear him curse under his breath. Just then, the lights came on. When he walked back into the kitchen and I saw that he was not armed, I came out of my hiding place. “Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?” I thundered feigning courage. The fear in his eyes was palpable. “I..I..I, please sir!” his knees dropped on the tiled floor. His head was bowed and buried in shame. He could only stutter. “You had better talk to me before I shoot you dead right now.” He jammed his palms together and began to cry. “Sir, my name is Theophilus.I am not a thief. I have never stolen anything from anyone all my life. But if you could put your ears down right now, you’d hear the cry of a child. That’s my only daughter. She is a year and two months old. We have not eaten since yesterday morning. My wife bought akara thirty naira for her yesterday morning and that was all she’s eaten since. I haven’t worked since this corona virus thing began because of the restriction in movement. I am a taxi driver. Even if the lockdown ends today, I still won’t be able to work because I have sold my car battery and bought food to feed my family with it last month. I heard from a friend that you people left the house and won’t be back until Monday. I couldn’t stand the cry of the child anymore so I decided to burgle your house to fetch her some food from here. She won’t stop crying until she gets something to eat. My wife too is crying helplessly in the house. I just couldn’t take it. I had to become a thief if only for tonight…” He was crying as he spoke. I took the black polythene bag from him and my heart dropped when I saw the things he had stolen from the kitchen in it; three packs of noodles, half a loaf of bread, some milk powder in and beverages. My wallet which had about thirty five thousand naira in it was lying conspicuously on the chair. Pointing at the wallet, I echoed; “Why didn’t you take the money or did you not see it?” “I did,” he replied with his head still bowed. “It was the first thing I pointed the light from my phone at but I have no need of it. I came here to get something for my daughter to eat not to steal money.” A tear fell off my eye. I held his hands and told him to get up. “You are not a thief my brother. You are just a father whose love for his only child is without blemish. From the way you speak, I am certain that you are learned. But for the situation of the country, you would not have become a taxi driver. For your daughter’s sake, I will not do anything to you. Just call your wife to come here with the child so she could open the door for us from outside. That way, she could prepare something for her here to eat.” Tearfully, he knelt down again and began to cry. He hadn’t airtime on his phone, I gave him mine and he called the wife with it. Before she arrived with the child, I had prepared beverage for the child while I let him cook some noodles for himself and the wife. It was my turn to cry when the woman was feeding the child who was dragging the bread from her mother as if all her life depended on it. She wolfed down her beverage with the speed of light and as soon as she had had her feel, she crept into the arms of her father and immediately fell asleep. The parents had time to eat their noodles when the child had begun to sleep. By the time they were through, it was past two o’clock. I gave him all the money in my wallet and told him to buy and stuck his house with food with the money. When my wife returned with the children and I told her what had happened, she cried on end. “We are just privileged. We are just lucky.” She broke down emotionally. “We cannot be this blessed by God and watch our neighbours suffer. We must help them.” My wife was right. I bought Theophilus a new battery for his car and gave the wife the sum of two hundred thousand naira to start a crayfish trade. Sometimes, all that we need to completely eradicate crime isn’t to keep buying guns for the police, isn’t to keep pushing people into prison but just to lend a helping hand to our neighbours. If your neighbours are happy, you’d certainly be happy too. I have come to understand not every thief caught in the act is a real thief. I am glad that we were the source of their joy today and pray that many would after reading this do what we did or do even more. Love will certainly solve all the problems of humanity.
Let’s start with some random quite interesting quote (so to speak)
Love needs time to be found and when found needs Intelligence to be applied to solve problem
The ability to manage our emotions and feeling is very crucial, nevertheless, so is our ability to understand and interpret the emotions of others.
Could you picture a world where you cannot understand when a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a co-worker is depressed, sad or angry?
Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence
and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ.
While IQ proves your smartness and determines 15% of your success, emotional intelligence determines 85% of your success.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence.
They proposed a model which identified four different factors of emotional intelligence namely;
All the factors above enhance the smooth sailing of Marriage. This is to point out that marriage and emotional intelligence are like inseparable twin.
Since “Emotions Elites defined as a positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity that produce different physiological, behavioral and cognitive behavior”, the more couples are able to master these four factors mentioned above, the less room they create for chaotic clashes.
Allah has made it clear to the believing men that women are more emotionally vulnerable, sensitive, responsive, and tender.
Women are emotional creatures, one minute she could be all happy and sweet and the next, she looks pale and unhappy. So, it is up to a husband to be able to put up with such moodswings and try tackle the problem.
Part of the reasons for failed marriages today inclu
Man’s will to show superiority over women.
Disobedience to the commandment of Allah.
Lack of self control
These among many others clogs one’s emotional intelligence. Hence, this is a show of arrogance to Allah. And Allah said in Qur’an 85 v 60:
“And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell – in humiliation“
A man returns home from work and suddenly observes the floor is unusually becoming too sticky due to oil stains. He gets furious and tries to correct his wife but puts it in a harsh manner. Consequently, he gets a negative response or reaction from her. This is not because she intentionally intends to get picky or offended, but because she is more emotional. Thus, it is now left for the man to reconsider and apologize for his wrong choice of word or mannerism, then look for a more subtle word or expression to pass his message across. Doing this show’s his emotional intelligence – his emotional reasoning on the one hand, which is what made him prioritize what to pay attention and react to amidst other observation he made upon his return; his emotional management on the other hand, proving his ability to feel an emotion (irritated and furious) without having to act upon it.
Allah has also commanded the believing women to respect their husband and control their tongue.
In any case , women should be soft, linient understanding and know how to approach or talk to their husbands, when she called him 5 times to ask him why he forgot to get steaks from the grocery and he did pick up, to why he didn’t complement her since 3 days and not remembering their Saturday morning pre yoga ritual, everyone has emotions and the husband isn’t an exception. So wives should be try to be considerate as this gradually sums up to create a lasting impression about them and emotional intelligence.
Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is an emotional battle 24/7. So,the way you handle your emotions decides the happiness quotient ( a measure of the amount of happiness one has achieved in life) and in your married life.
In terms of tolerance and perseverance, these are some of the
QUALITIES AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PERSON MUST POSSES:
Ability to understand the emotions of ur spouse from his/her view.
Capacity to make your spouse understand your emotions from your viewpoint.
Your skills to channel your emotions in the right way to make your spouse happy and content in your relationship
Your gift to realize that your spouse is an individual. So, you accept him/her for what he/she is.
For an emotionally unintelligent person:
1. You never understand the emotional need of your spouse which makes you unhappy and miserable
2.Your inability to convey your emotional needs to your spouse which makes you angry and get frustrated and dippressed.
Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not supposed to beat his wife, doing so is a sign of his physical strength but emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
Rasullulah (SAW) is a perfect example for the Muslims to follow as he is the best in character and manner.
It was narrated that Aisah (R.A) said that :
“The messenger of Allah never beat his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything” Sunnan Ibn Maja
HOW TO ENHANCE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:
Don’t interrupt or change the subject
Don’t judge or edit your feelings or your spous’s too quickly
See if you can find connection between your feelings and see if other times you must have felt the same way.
Connect your feelings with your thoughts
Listen to your body and your spouses body language
If your don’t know how you are feeling ask someone else
Tune into your unconscious feelings
Ask yourself, How do I feel today?
Write your thoughts and feelings down
Know when enough is enough.
Marriage is a place of work where you are given a long term appointment. It is left to you keep your job or loose it. To develop emotional intelligence we need to practice enlarging our inner passion at every moment. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our world or even how we feel within ourselves at every moment. Infact , the best we accomplish something is when we least feel like trying because the hopeless part of our lives need the light.
Finally, the way you approach yourselves, when you need money, when you are tired, when you need his attention, when you want to complain about something he did wrong or the way you generally respond to his flaws gradually sums up to creating a lasting impression about you and says a lot about your emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not idealy supposed to beat his wife. Doing so exemplifies his physical strength but tantamount to his emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This is when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
A pious wife is keeper not breaker. A pious husband builds the home not collapse it. As a woman, the way you treat your husband reflects in his attitude in public. From his boost of self esteem to his successful day at work. As a man, the way you handle your wife also reflects in her face and her general comportment in public. All these are due to how peaceful your inward coexistence has been as a couple. Ability to practicalize the tenets of the religion of Islam (peace) to over power impending chaos, ability to agree to disagree, ability to master positively, your emotional intelligence help save your marriage.