Persuasion!

I can’t remember where I found this article… Its also persuasive. I found myself want to try the learning the technique of persuasion

Persuasion

I was in a store last week and a man came to me trying to advertise a new Green Tea. He said excuse, i turned
and he said “do you live around here”?
The next on my mind was who is this Man and why the question. I had to respond politely giving him a different description *just for safety* then guffed and moved to the other end of the store in avoidance of futher question.

Now i came across an article of Carolyn O’Hara and i noticed that
If you want to convince someone to support your project, or explain to an employee how he might improve, or inspire a team that’s struggling, you need to tell a persuasive, compelling story.

This made me believe that persuation is beyond just giving exact detail.
Have somebody ever looked at you for a steady time and you start feeling uncomfortable? If your answer is yes then it means the person was trying to study your outward response.
You see that’s a way to achieving passuation from what i discovered

To persuade this question must be asked
Who is My audience and what is the message i want to share
2
In the part two series of this read we will go further to ask and possibly answer a few questions about persuation.

But before then what do you think- Is persuasion Art or Science?.

How did we get Here?

Even homogeneous societies still delve
into self manageable or micro-identities.

@pretty.muslm.couples

. God created the earth.

2. “Let’s make man…” and so forth.

3. People have one language and in agreement and try to build a tower.

4. God confuses their language and scatters them around the world,including West Africa.

Cultural diffusion.

Whoever is killed under the banner of blind following, which calls to tribalism or supports tribalism, then he has died upon ignorance.” The prophet muhammad.S.A.W.

What is peculiar to ethnicity or tribalism is that “it involves demands by one group on other competing group(s)” (Nnoli; 2008). Chinua Achebe in his view describes ethnicity “as discrimination against a citizen because of his/her place of birth” (Achebe; 1997).

Islam doesn’t preach tribalism. Therefore, anyone who practices it is following his own personal goal.

We are born into ethnic and tribal communities that endow upon us identities, histories, legacies, pains, joys, struggles and potentials and mostly pride.

The knowledge that before you there were others who contributed and added value a people and period in time, bettering the lot and leaving historical tales and stories challenging and demanding that you know about them and add a measure equal or more than what was.

It would be a bore to share the same historical perspective with everyone you meet with in a bus or at work…where’s the fun in that.

Even homogeneous societies still breakdown into self manageable or micro-identities

Forget diversity think inclusion

Sing to Our Soldier!

Soldier !

War Lord !

“The Captain that disgraces Men as would the dearth of Money”

This duty is on your head by Fate’s decree

A Mother of Million Mothers

Some of my great grand children are probably dead

The rest that’s left have been through Wars

Throwing them into sloppy edges of the North And South And East And West

Those who went Over Sea Enjoy the Game of Fame and name

Soldier!

War Lord!

How is the War Front?

And leaving family?

You owe no mortal your life

Defying a plague is so much bravery.

I beseech thee

Save the arrogant children who want to sell their life cheaply to a plague

“The sole of the feet has always led the path”

Soldier come

Soldier go

Soldier do wetin you want but don’t fall in love with blood

Have Mercy on your Nigeria.

Why Emotional Intelligence is more important than Mere Understanding in Marriage

What Marriage Has Taught Me So Far:

INTRODUCTION

Let’s start with some random quite interesting quote (so to speak)

Love needs time to be found and when found needs Intelligence to be applied to solve problem

The ability to manage our emotions and feeling is very crucial, nevertheless, so is our ability to understand and interpret the emotions of others.

Could you picture a world where you cannot understand when a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a co-worker is depressed, sad or angry?
Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence

and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ.

While IQ proves your smartness and determines 15% of your success, emotional intelligence determines 85% of your success.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence.

They proposed a model which identified four different factors of emotional intelligence namely;

emotional perception,

emotional reasoning,

emotional understanding,

emotional management.

All the factors above enhance the smooth sailing of Marriage. This is to point out that marriage and emotional intelligence are like inseparable twin.
Since “Emotions Elites defined as a positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity that produce different physiological, behavioral and cognitive behavior”, the more couples are able to master these four factors mentioned above, the less room they create for chaotic clashes.

Allah has made it clear to the believing men that women are more emotionally vulnerable, sensitive, responsive, and tender.

Women are emotional creatures, one minute she could be all happy and sweet and the next, she looks pale and unhappy. So, it is up to a husband to be able to put up with such moodswings and try tackle the problem.

Part of the reasons for failed marriages today inclu

  • Man’s will to show superiority over women.
  • Egoistic behavior.
  • Disobedience to the commandment of Allah.
  • Negligence
  • Ingratitude
  • Arrogance.
  • Impatience
  • Lack of self control

These among many others clogs one’s emotional intelligence. Hence, this is a show of arrogance to Allah. And Allah said in Qur’an 85 v 60:

And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell – in humiliation

A man returns home from work and suddenly observes the floor is unusually becoming too sticky due to oil stains. He gets furious and tries to correct his wife but puts it in a harsh manner. Consequently, he gets a negative response or reaction from her. This is not because she intentionally intends to get picky or offended, but because she is more emotional. Thus, it is now left for the man to reconsider and apologize for his wrong choice of word or mannerism, then look for a more subtle word or expression to pass his message across. Doing this show’s his emotional intelligence – his emotional reasoning on the one hand, which is what made him prioritize what to pay attention and react to amidst other observation he made upon his return; his emotional management on the other hand, proving his ability to feel an emotion (irritated and furious) without having to act upon it.

Allah has also commanded the believing women to respect their husband and control their tongue.

In any case , women should be soft, linient understanding and know how to approach or talk to their husbands, when she called him 5 times to ask him why he forgot to get steaks from the grocery and he did pick up, to why he didn’t complement her since 3 days and not remembering their Saturday morning pre yoga ritual, everyone has emotions and the husband isn’t an exception. So wives should be try to be considerate as this gradually sums up to create a lasting impression about them and emotional intelligence.

Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is an emotional battle 24/7. So,the way you handle your emotions decides the happiness quotient ( a measure of the amount of happiness one has achieved in life) and in your married life.

In terms of tolerance and perseverance, these are some of the

QUALITIES AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PERSON MUST POSSES:

  • Ability to understand the emotions of ur spouse from his/her view.
  • Capacity to make your spouse understand your emotions from your viewpoint.
  • Your skills to channel your emotions in the right way to make your spouse happy and content in your relationship
  • Your gift to realize that your spouse is an individual. So, you accept him/her for what he/she is.

For an emotionally unintelligent person:

1. You never understand the emotional need of your spouse which makes you unhappy and miserable

2.Your inability to convey your emotional needs to your spouse which makes you angry and get frustrated and dippressed.

Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not supposed to beat his wife, doing so is a sign of his physical strength but emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.

Rasullulah (SAW) is a perfect example for the Muslims to follow as he is the best in character and manner.

It was narrated that Aisah (R.A) said that :

The messenger of Allah never beat his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything” Sunnan Ibn Maja

HOW TO ENHANCE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

  1. Don’t interrupt or change the subject
  2. Don’t judge or edit your feelings or your spous’s too quickly
  3. See if you can find connection between your feelings and see if other times you must have felt the same way.
  4. Connect your feelings with your thoughts
  5. Listen to your body and your spouses body language
  6. If your don’t know how you are feeling ask someone else
  7. Tune into your unconscious feelings
  8. Ask yourself, How do I feel today?
  9. Write your thoughts and feelings down
  10. Know when enough is enough.

Marriage is a place of work where you are given a long term appointment. It is left to you keep your job or loose it. To develop emotional intelligence we need to practice enlarging our inner passion at every moment. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our world or even how we feel within ourselves at every moment. Infact , the best we accomplish something is when we least feel like trying because the hopeless part of our lives need the light.

Finally, the way you approach yourselves, when you need money, when you are tired, when you need his attention, when you want to complain about something he did wrong or the way you generally respond to his flaws gradually sums up to creating a lasting impression about you and says a lot about your emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not idealy supposed to beat his wife. Doing so exemplifies his physical strength but tantamount to his emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This is when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
A pious wife is keeper not breaker. A pious husband builds the home not collapse it. As a woman, the way you treat your husband reflects in his attitude in public. From his boost of self esteem to his successful day at work. As a man, the way you handle your wife also reflects in her face and her general comportment in public. All these are due to how peaceful your inward coexistence has been as a couple. Ability to practicalize the tenets of the religion of Islam (peace) to over power impending chaos, ability to agree to disagree, ability to master positively, your emotional intelligence help save your marriage.

In Shaa Allah

Personal  Development.

THE GIANT STEP TO PERFECTIONISM
“Perfectionism is self-abuse  of the highest order”. Anne Willson

This topic reminds me of an article I once came across about reinforcement in African culture. Where the publisher James, visited a school in Kenya and had a second thought, as the visit followed along the First Nations culture of using a talking stick when speaking in a circle. This gives everyone an equal chance to express their ideas. This is the same thing many African cultures advocate for. “It made me feel at home” This singular act made him feel free and encouraged to stay in Kwayhquitlum school.

PERFECTIONISM VERSUS PROCASTINATION

Now, Can perfection be connected to Procrastinaton? Yes it can. When you want to be perfect there is a tendency to feel discouraged at some point.  This will make you procastinate. You always want to go for the Buts, thinking the need to wait for the right time or most condusive atmosphere to do things. This also breeds laziness. And here is a piece I wrote about laziness.

Truth is, your ability to face the challenge shows the boiling spur behind your determination. Accept that you are born real to do things to the closest point of perfection. Jumping into perfection keeps you over the bar.

Perfectionism is a great way to hide your weakness or erase it to fault. Aside the fact that perfectionists battle with the question ” hope I won’t fail”? -they become the knife after their own heart.

This is because of their high expectations from themselves and from their surroundings.  This make them so tight.And overtly critical of people and themselves. Tilting towards using others to judge themselves.

These are people who need constant reaproval from people to be sure they are going well with what they are doing rather than continuity. They are good at Picking out their own flaws. Needing encouragement from and for any innocent conversation. They need no blame for who they are.

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.

When you constantly ignore what you have done wrong and concern yourself with what you did right, trying to do it exactly how you did before, then you’re on your way to perfect. It is simply believing in your ability.It makes you want to do things without hesitation or procrastination. Things will hardly discourage you. This can change a persons life. We all want to believe in our “string-strong” points. Don’t we?

Wright discussed this in his book ON “THE POWER OF POSITVE REINFORCEMENT”. He sights an example of the Babemba tribe southern Africa: “when one of the tribes members has acted irresponsibly he or she is taken to the center of the village. Everyone  in the village stops work and gatheres in circle round this person. In turn, each person devoid of age, speaks to the person and recounts the good things he has done in his lifetime. All positive incidents in the person’s life, plus his good attributes, strengths and Kindness, are recalled with accuracy and detail. Not one word about his problem behavior is ever mentioned. This ceremony which sometimes last several days, isn’t complete until positive expression has been given by those assembled. The person is literally flooded by positives. When the people are finished, the erring person is welcomed back into the tribe.

What an irony, considering the society’s ways of condemnation. If this defaulter thinks about the village member’s reaction, he definitely will want to keep being good. He keeps up a positve value and vibe

Stop to reflect in a bit, what’s this all about. Nobody is perfect. Your ability to encourage yourself rather than condemning yourself so much paves suiting steps to your perfection in life. Same goes for others.

” Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” Brené Brown.

Thanks for the read. Please share your view.

Relationship

” I am cute
         I’m slim

          I hate my life

      There is this girl in my class and I really like her but she had never, for once looked at me. I thought it was because I wasn’t fat enough, she seems to like fat guyz. So sometime last month I started going to the gym for fattening exercises. I have added, but just five pounds but she still isn’t interested.

Whats wrong with me. And how can make her fall in love with me?  So you have any suggestion? I don’t want to be too fat. 

See,

 I am actually very hardworking and I don’t want to look randy. But this girl is very important. Should I go ahead? She makes me happy even though she doesn’t know it. I am so doomed right now, I just want to die.

But do you think she will love me, or even have my attention If I add more weight?”

   We see problems like this every day, maybe less , similar, or worse. We need Answers please.
   What I will suggest to you in a situation like this is you be yourself.

Forget about your looks. Especially when it is natural.

Get her attention in other ways.

Many men today fall into these because they have not discovered what they are truly good at when it comes to gaining the attention of that “right” woman.

Some just go with a rush and get red lights. Justify your actions by being the man you truly want to be to the one you truly love. Be calm to learn what else  interests her apart from the basic ones you can’t fulfill.

You must not be fat for her to like you. In fact, she might even be worse of with you if  In any way along the line she realise you loosed your true nature because of her.  Except it you would want to do that for the main time. By the way t doing that and changing later wouldn’t speak well of you or make it any better because you will gradually loose her trust in you. She might not tell you that to your face of course, but her definition of your personality would be of that “guy who does to please girls” or ” confused dude”.

It is not like it isn’t good to please or impress sometimes but not something in this kind of situation. It is obvious the fattening exercises truly is not working for you or your health and you also don’t like the idea.

  1. So set it straight and get your priorities right. Look for other ways to get her.  Maybe interesting books she likes.
  2. Who she likes to cruiz with, shares secrets with and her rapour with family.
  3. And kind of clothes, perfumes she likes.
  4. Kind of Movies, foodies, drinks and all that
  5. Her mood and how it swings.

Ladies would rather go for me who are confident in everything they are. 

Yes, every relationship has a standard. People are different. You can’t definitely compete with the fat guyz. They already have their pretty good roles to play.  Maybe that’s why she seems to like them.

Some ladies just date guyz for fun. Not really with a purpose.  So be sure which one she is and if she is ready to be as serious as you seem to be.

Ladies care more about the emotional availability of a man rather than just his presence.

Be on the same page with her. 

Be there when you are needetoo

Some ladies actually consider the looks these days. If not most. But for sure you will get her attention if you focus more on the clicks. I mean, on the unique features you love about yourself. Love your self be proud of yourself and let it reflect in you when you eventually win her heart. Learn how to do do the talk.

It is not a mission Impossible
   Note: this post is subject to update

          Share your views. What yould you advice.?

          OVERCOMING SELF DOUBT

          ​​ OVERCOMING SELF DOUBT 

          Birds are from the same kingdom

          Like Mr Bruchell 

          Man tame them captive

          And soul them to will

           Like the Parrots of England

          ….

                  ~You are stronger than you know~
          Your heart is always thumping when you wince a feeling that you can do way better than you have always done.You want to grow a triumphant goose bump when people choke from the smoke of an impressive thing you do to a perfect. You detaste mockery or criticism but you are deprived by catastrophy your constant hesitation.

          You like to try.  You like people  who try.  Little  advice, you give.  They feel inspired by your wisdompedia😁. Applaud!

            Have you ever sat down to branch your swinging thoughts to one side of your past thread? The answer is- yes,  no,  or kind of. 

          If “Yes”-
          How did you pass that test? How did you scale through that interview? Why did spectators wow at your performance?  There was something  you did with determination and got it  just right.
          What was your inspiration? Whether they were done on impulse or self conscious control, the most important  question  is: were they done with true conviction that doing that very thing at that material time was the best decision to take? If yes- Keep it up. Use this as your sword to tear off Self-doubt.

          If “No”-
          It means you must have been getting  it wrong  somehow and you need to reinforce  you self-belief. Self-belief  is more practical as compared to philosophical. You actually  have to share.
          If the philosophies and contributions of Phythagoras, Socrates, Einstein,  William Shakespeare  (name them) were kept in the confines of  their thoughts, imagine what science,  arts and general knowledge would  have been.
          They must have had one tiny reason to underestimate and feel their feelings or ideas were not so relevant.

           I used to be drenched in self-doubt. So much so that I rather clap for someone and have a lot of “things that help”to tell them.  I don’t do same for myself. Now I believe that  my instincts is the only priceless God’s gift I can truly call my own.

          If, “Kind of”-

          What if you take the world as an examination. Not examination in the academic. No  not that.  I mean the self examination. You take a dual role. Write the exam and be the judge.  Choose to be liberal or lenient. Judge yourself.

               Here is a Poem I wrote for this:

                        “Interdependence”
          Birds are from the same kingdom
          Like Mr Bruchell
          Man tame them captive 
          And soul them to will
          Like the Parrots of England.
          Choice is Man’s
          To :
          quench their hunger
          or fire their feedache.
          Choice is Man’s
          To :
          Make them lovely
          Like the Fischer
          Or angry
          Like the Yellow Birds.

          Pneumatized birds are Prideful 
          of their struts for being criss-crossers
          Gliders are prideless
          Vibrant as ‘Pelagornis sandersi
          Yet Birds are from the same kingdom

          Hollow bones are specie-fic 
          It matter not which bird land fully fed like belching mountain 
          It matter not who is Master careless 
          When they flock together
          They all land
          And on different sand particles
          never arriving same way
                        Such is human circle 
          Ending at a circumference 
          Tick Tough, Thick Rough
          Age clocks
          And As foes or friends 
          Apes or Homosapein
          Fools(ers)or Thinkers
          Black-Brown-Gold-Grey haired
          All shall meet
          And at different points of 
          Life’s curve.

          Tip: write down that thing you just told someone  who confided in you on something.
          Go back to it later.
          Advice yourself too.

          Quotes.

          “Ban, delete, shred,  obliterate the words:” I am not good enough” Karen Salmonsohn 

          ” Give God your weakness and he will give you his strength ” http://www.brainy quotes.com

          “Start by doing what is necessary ; what’s possible; suddenly you will be doing the impossible” Francis of Assisi 



            >Do not underestimate the power of self advice thereby undermining yourself.  This will help you evaluate  yourself that is when you will understand people’s evaluation of you. 
          >Don’t cook yourself to taste delicious in someone else’s tongue. Cook yourself to taste delicious in your own tongue. 
          > Self doubt should not be the reason for interdependence. Believe in yourself and overcome it.

          Thanks
          Please  Share your  views.
          💟💟