Why Emotional Intelligence is more important than Mere Understanding in Marriage

What Marriage Has Taught Me So Far:


Let’s start with some random quite interesting quote (so to speak)

Love needs time to be found and when found needs Intelligence to be applied to solve problem

The ability to manage our emotions and feeling is very crucial, nevertheless, so is our ability to understand and interpret the emotions of others.

Could you picture a world where you cannot understand when a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a co-worker is depressed, sad or angry?
Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence

and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ.

While IQ proves your smartness and determines 15% of your success, emotional intelligence determines 85% of your success.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence.

They proposed a model which identified four different factors of emotional intelligence namely;

emotional perception,

emotional reasoning,

emotional understanding,

emotional management.

All the factors above enhance the smooth sailing of Marriage. This is to point out that marriage and emotional intelligence are like inseparable twin.
Since “Emotions Elites defined as a positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity that produce different physiological, behavioral and cognitive behavior”, the more couples are able to master these four factors mentioned above, the less room they create for chaotic clashes.

Allah has made it clear to the believing men that women are more emotionally vulnerable, sensitive, responsive, and tender.

Women are emotional creatures, one minute she could be all happy and sweet and the next, she looks pale and unhappy. So, it is up to a husband to be able to put up with such moodswings and try tackle the problem.

Part of the reasons for failed marriages today inclu

  • Man’s will to show superiority over women.
  • Egoistic behavior.
  • Disobedience to the commandment of Allah.
  • Negligence
  • Ingratitude
  • Arrogance.
  • Impatience
  • Lack of self control

These among many others clogs one’s emotional intelligence. Hence, this is a show of arrogance to Allah. And Allah said in Qur’an 85 v 60:

And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell – in humiliation

A man returns home from work and suddenly observes the floor is unusually becoming too sticky due to oil stains. He gets furious and tries to correct his wife but puts it in a harsh manner. Consequently, he gets a negative response or reaction from her. This is not because she intentionally intends to get picky or offended, but because she is more emotional. Thus, it is now left for the man to reconsider and apologize for his wrong choice of word or mannerism, then look for a more subtle word or expression to pass his message across. Doing this show’s his emotional intelligence – his emotional reasoning on the one hand, which is what made him prioritize what to pay attention and react to amidst other observation he made upon his return; his emotional management on the other hand, proving his ability to feel an emotion (irritated and furious) without having to act upon it.

Allah has also commanded the believing women to respect their husband and control their tongue.

In any case , women should be soft, linient understanding and know how to approach or talk to their husbands, when she called him 5 times to ask him why he forgot to get steaks from the grocery and he did pick up, to why he didn’t complement her since 3 days and not remembering their Saturday morning pre yoga ritual, everyone has emotions and the husband isn’t an exception. So wives should be try to be considerate as this gradually sums up to create a lasting impression about them and emotional intelligence.

Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is an emotional battle 24/7. So,the way you handle your emotions decides the happiness quotient ( a measure of the amount of happiness one has achieved in life) and in your married life.

In terms of tolerance and perseverance, these are some of the


  • Ability to understand the emotions of ur spouse from his/her view.
  • Capacity to make your spouse understand your emotions from your viewpoint.
  • Your skills to channel your emotions in the right way to make your spouse happy and content in your relationship
  • Your gift to realize that your spouse is an individual. So, you accept him/her for what he/she is.

For an emotionally unintelligent person:

1. You never understand the emotional need of your spouse which makes you unhappy and miserable

2.Your inability to convey your emotional needs to your spouse which makes you angry and get frustrated and dippressed.

Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not supposed to beat his wife, doing so is a sign of his physical strength but emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.

Rasullulah (SAW) is a perfect example for the Muslims to follow as he is the best in character and manner.

It was narrated that Aisah (R.A) said that :

The messenger of Allah never beat his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything” Sunnan Ibn Maja


  1. Don’t interrupt or change the subject
  2. Don’t judge or edit your feelings or your spous’s too quickly
  3. See if you can find connection between your feelings and see if other times you must have felt the same way.
  4. Connect your feelings with your thoughts
  5. Listen to your body and your spouses body language
  6. If your don’t know how you are feeling ask someone else
  7. Tune into your unconscious feelings
  8. Ask yourself, How do I feel today?
  9. Write your thoughts and feelings down
  10. Know when enough is enough.

Marriage is a place of work where you are given a long term appointment. It is left to you keep your job or loose it. To develop emotional intelligence we need to practice enlarging our inner passion at every moment. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our world or even how we feel within ourselves at every moment. Infact , the best we accomplish something is when we least feel like trying because the hopeless part of our lives need the light.

Finally, the way you approach yourselves, when you need money, when you are tired, when you need his attention, when you want to complain about something he did wrong or the way you generally respond to his flaws gradually sums up to creating a lasting impression about you and says a lot about your emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is two sided and must be used positively. The couples inability to understand this is partly the reason for domestic violence. A man is not idealy supposed to beat his wife. Doing so exemplifies his physical strength but tantamount to his emotional weakness and inability to positively use his emotional intelligence. This is when he let’s his emotions override his intelligence.
A pious wife is keeper not breaker. A pious husband builds the home not collapse it. As a woman, the way you treat your husband reflects in his attitude in public. From his boost of self esteem to his successful day at work. As a man, the way you handle your wife also reflects in her face and her general comportment in public. All these are due to how peaceful your inward coexistence has been as a couple. Ability to practicalize the tenets of the religion of Islam (peace) to over power impending chaos, ability to agree to disagree, ability to master positively, your emotional intelligence help save your marriage.

In Shaa Allah



My name is A.I.C. Akwarandu. From Ezinihitte Mbaise in Imo state.The last child in a family of three boys

Well, let me act like you don’t know. I graduated from Imo State University. I was an Imo star and still a star. 

 My duty is to speak for to the youth, for the youth anf the masses. Aside that, I am quietly employed and I work at the PDP office as the Drector of the new media department, That’s the person in charge of the new media directorate of imo PDP.

The DG new media directorate of imo PDP, granting speaking with news men 

Knowing you for quite a while now, I see a lot have been happening around you and politics and you have always shown keen interest in politics and youths. I am curious to know? What Inspired you Into politics?

What inspired me into politics is my interest in human capital development. I believe that the greatest investment one can make is in human beings. No matter how those empowered forget u, there must be one person who will come back to say thank you. That thank you could be after you have lived your life and passed on. It could be while you are alive. But investing in humanity have no disadvantage to me. Just do it and not for returns. 

      Nice one,  now you remind me of this quote:  “ Humanity is not without answers or solutions regarding how to liberate itself from scenarios that invariably end with mass exterminations. Tools such as compassion, trust, empathy, love, and ethical discernment are already in our possession. The next sensible step would be to use them.”


 You were a very active student and after graduation you are till date, you seem to have a lot of people following, motivating and cheering you. Are there any you will like us to meet?
My motivation is from God. I also motivate my self. I ask myself, what have u done? If I did today, what will make men and women of valour intercede on my behalf. 

Alot of people motivated and still motivate me. My father had alot of impacts in me. May His souls rest in peace. I wish I can do all He advised me to. But as humans, I derail once in a while. But He did alot in my local upbringing. Yes, I call it local upbringing because I never had any exposure all through my secondary school except in my village and community. I had my early education there and only came out after my secondary sch. I know, if we had a university in my village, I would have ended up there……………………………My Boss Rt. Hon. Emeka Ihedioha, has played major roles in motivating me. This may be unknown to him but I can say that He has this father figure when ever you engage him in a discussion which will make you think about what ever you discussed with him. I don’t know my inclination with those called Emeka but I can say they are good. My Boss Emeka Oparah has motivated me also. He may not know, but He is a day to day motivation to me. ……My brother, Emeka too. That does not mean I don’t  other people but since I found three Emeka’s, and very wonderful people, I had to go with them.

Wow, that’s cool having special people as a support system. Ok , considering the fact you have a vision for yourself and others, where do you see your self in the next three yea

In the next three years, I will be where God wants me to be. However, I will always tell God my choice in prayers. I wish to be in a place where I will be able to help people. I want to help those who are helpless. That’s my prayer and that’s where I want to be.       

What’s your role as the current DG New media  directorate Imo PDP  ?

Well, my position is easy. Is easy because my state governor has failed and I have no need looking for what to say when I have what to say everywhere. You need to visit my state and see things for yourself. I am a proud imolite but the state has been reduced to nothing by those I call occupants of our government house. I pray for Ndi Imo, I know we shall say goodbye to this evil administration one day.

 How do you do this?

We have print and electronic media. The advent of the social media created room for new media. Just like in Literature, when the Nigerian civil war happened, it have room for a new area of discuss. Initially, writers were occupied with issues of Colonialism, Tradition and things of the sort. But as the war have room to a new area of discuss, that’s how social media has given room to the new media which includes Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, watsapp, etc. As you know, it is filled with the young people. So, I have the duty of bringing them together for the good of our party.

So the likes, shares, and views, and follows are encouraging?  Or do you have any competition? Or are u facing any challenge?

 No challenge. I would have had if the government is performing. But they are not. So, no serious challenge.

     Hahaha, unfortunately fortunate. Ok, so please may we have the page ddress.?

  • Official people’s democratic party -PDP imo state on Facebook 
  • PDP imo state on twitter

Then, you are also the president of the Nasels Alumni… how far has the association gone in terms of meeting the core needs of students of English and literary  studies In Nigeria compared to other Associations e.g science as you see are a little more facilitated with research materials, empowerment, welfare and financial support than some other field?

We are online and we meet physically. We are not ghost. I have a directorate team of more than 200 persons. ……….As for NASELSA, I have tried my best though in acting capacity to ensure that we get our constitution ready. We are also working on registration with CAC. The welfare of our members is also a top issue. We ensure that we do our best for each other. As one of us, I was at your weeding. That’s to show you that we mean business. We are committed towards supporting ourselves in any way we can.
The students are not left out. As our mother association, we do all we can to support them. Early this year, I sponsored a debate contest in their conference. We also donated 1000 copies of minner note book to them. We will continue to support them

Leading the Alumni body of Nasels to the National conference of English students in Abuja

Introducing the IMSU chapter president to Hon. Mrs Ijeoma Nwafor, Senior legislative aid to Senator Samuel Anyanwu, a guest speaker during the Abuja ICOSELS

Handing over prizes to the winners of the first Ugochinyere Debate Contest held at UniAbuja

 Do you have any thing to say for the you and your fans to pin down?

To,the youth , I say they should keep their eyes on the ball. The future is bright. Very bright but for only those that make it bright……………………..And to my fans, fellow, and followers,

Being honoured as an Ambassador of Youths by the Bishop of Mbaise Anglican Diocese…

I say thanks to them for always supporting me. I call on them to join hands let’s do this together and put the devil to a mess with this evil leadership. I know God will do it for us.

  Thank you very much to our relentlessly humble, hardworking comerade, having you on this talk was fun, enlightening and inspiring too. Thank you all for the read, I hope this interview was informative.